So I slept on my "hmph" and an idea came to me in the morning. I might ("might" being the operative word here) have an idea on what I want to do. With my money, with my job, with my time... basically with my life.
For those of you who have followed my corporate craftie journey to date, you would have probably seen a common theme. One, I only realised late last night when it came to me in a dream - stuffed crochet piggies, art and crafts, children's markets, sparkly Cinderella shoes... I am a ten year old girl trapped in a grown up body! (Yes, it was a weird dream). I am a big, fat kid.
It explains so much - my internal angst, my mental conflict, my lack of confidence at work (for I feel like a kid playing dress ups, clomping around in high heals, trying not to be caught out). The fact that I get along with kids better than my peers. It's like the penny finally dropped and it all suddenly makes sense!
So maybe I need to stop fighting. Stop pretending to be a know-it-all grown up. Just be me. But for my own mental sanity, I need to bridge the divide somehow. Right now being a grown up has had me depressed and unhappy, but acting like a ten year old kid is definitely not an option.
I'm thinking, maybe a career in the children's industry? A toy designer? (Oh, I'd love that!) Go back to uni to study children's psychology? (Hmm, will definitely help with raising my future kids.) Be a preschool teacher? (Interestingly, that would be realising a psychic prediction from an old turtle shell reader my parent's visited when I was a kid... maybe you really can't fight destiny? No, that'll be depressing... this train of thought deserves a post of it's own. Mental note to self to explore this topic later.)
I do have a radical idea that I'm going to explore which I will reveal in due time.
But for now, this little epiphany is enough to give me a moment of peace.
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